a new normal

Transitioning to mommyhood has not been the easiest thing. Ok, motherhood was actually more of a shock to me. I was so surprised that no one had ever really talked about it. The only thing you hear is how hard labor and delivery are or how hard being a parent is, but I was blown away by how hard it was immediately afterwards. Just in the first few months... they have been the most physically and emotionally grueling times of my life. I thought I was was the only one who felt that way because I saw other women having babies and doing other things pretty quickly. I had a hard time getting dressed in normal clothes, let alone getting out of the house to do things... and still do! But as I talked to more people, I had been finding that it's always hard in the beginning. For the first couple months, I did NOTHING but care for William and try to heal and catch up on sleep.

After a crying fest when our friend Carolyn came to have lunch with Bill and I, Carolyn was so kind to email me an article about the author's thoughts on becoming a mother. Much of what the author wrote about described exactly how I felt. It has been difficult moving on to a "new normal" as God has "remade the self I thought I was" with William's arrival. Our lives have been a roller coaster ride since I went into labor. Nothing has been as it was before. There is a small part of me that longs for that. But as I was reading the article, I realized that I had been trying to fit William into my old normal life, not realizing that it's a whole new normal that God wants to mold. I keep isolating myself, waiting for things to get back to "normal." And though I am working hard to treasure each day with William, I can't help but sometimes think it'll get easier when he's a little older. Then I'll be able to do the things I used to do. But now I've realized that I was being impatient and hoping in the wrong thing. I can still do those things, but they will be done now in a different light. It's a new normal that I must find as God is reshaping our family with this new little one. Things will never be as they were before, and much of life will revolve around this charge God has given to us as parents now. It's a new normalcy that has to be found. Of course, Bill and I are one, and Bill will always be my primary charge as a wife, but William is now a close second. =) And it will take time to figure and carve out this newest season that God has us in. Instead of waiting for things to get back to how they were before, God has enabled me to slowly make changes to get back into life... By God's grace and in His timing, I am forging a new normal for our changing family... and so thankful that William is in it.

For those of you who are interested, you can read the article here.