spurgeon...

I received much encouragement through this passage as Bill is walking through some significant (the worst he's had) health problems in this season.  Would love your prayers for healing for Bill's stomach issues, peace through his battles with anxiety, and faith and joy to walk through God's will for us as a couple and family.

the hollow of His hand... Isaiah 40:12

Beloved, remember everything that happens to you comes in the course of divine providence.  Your loving heavenly Father has foreseen, foreknown, and, I venture, foreordained it all.  The medicine that you have to drink is bitter, but the unerring Physician has measured the ingredients drop by drop and mixed them in a way that will best work for your highest good.

Nothing in this world happens by chance.  Our great God has "measured the waters in the hollow of His hand, measured heaven with a span and calculated the dust of the earth in a measure" (Isa. 40:12).  Our great God makes the clouds His chariot and He walks on the wings of the wind (Ps. 104:3).  This same God cares for you with such special care that He has numbered the very hairs of your head (Matt. 10:30).  He even puts your tears in His bottle (Ps. 56:8).  You may rest assured that even those experiences that are causing much sorrow are in accord with His eternal counsel and decree... [for His glory and for your good.]

The rest of the chapter goes on about the greatness of God and the puny-ness of mankind... and closes with these verses (25-31):

  To whom then will you compare me,
that I should be like him? says the Holy One.
  Lift up your eyes on high and see:
who created these?
He who brings out their host by number,
calling them all by name,
by the greatness of his might,
and because he is strong in power
not one is missing.

Why do you say, O Jacob,
and speak, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the LORD,
and my right is disregarded by my God”?
  Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
  He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
  Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
  but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.

Our heart (though my flesh resists it) is to rest in the power and might of the Almighty One.  We know there is eternal purpose in what we are walking through and pray that it will only strengthen us in this season to walk steadfastly and not waver in our faith for what God has deemed His good for us.  That is, joyful submission for what He has for us.  =)

discharged...

"It appearing that the debtors are entitled to a discharge, IT IS ORDERED:  The debtors are granted a discharge under section 727 of title 11, United States Code, (the Bankruptcy Code)."

It's officially official!!!  We finally received our discharge papers.  Our bankruptcy went through!  *sigh of relief*  We were beginning to get worried because we were supposed to hear from the court by the end of October.  But it was perfect timing for the Thanksgiving holiday and gave us something to be really thankful for.  SO grateful to the Lord for debt that can be forgiven!

“Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven,

and whose sins are covered;

  blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin.”

Romans 4:7-8

moving day!

I had big plans to fully document this day, but totally forgot in the midst of all the chaos to take pictures until half the day was over.  When I finally remembered, the house was in such disarray that I had no idea where the camera was.  So unfortunately, there are no pics, but God was kind in providing the help we needed to move the majority of our things over.  We had professional movers come move the big things (i.e. couches, beds, dressers, etc.).  They were unbelievable.  I think they had our living room packed and moved out in 15 minutes.  Definitely worth every penny, although they did break a couple of things and dented some of the furniture.  Fortunately, we don't really have anything of value, so it wasn't a big deal (except for my hand-painted vase that I lugged home all the way from China more than 10 years ago.  I was sure to pack and take that bad boy over myself.).  =)

Then we had some friends come who were SO gracious to pack for us and move the rest of our things to the new place.  We definitely wanted to give a HUGE thank you to the people who sacrificed some time to help us move/pack:  Tim Keen, Dave Durose, Mike Thompson, Danielle Wood, Lee Cajina, Peter Woo, Mom, Mommy, Jamil Ergueta, and Jane Alam... as well as their spouses for releasing them to come.   We were very touched by your desire to serve our family in such a practical way.  And we were very humbled by your willingness to not only move us out, but to also help pack.

We also wanted to thank those of you who have been praying for our family.  We are grateful that you have been a part of our journey and are rejoicing with us over God's provision for us in the midst of financial difficulties.  God has been SO good, and we know that each of you have been a means of His grace as we transition to a new home in this season.

So THANK YOU!!  We are so indebted to you (friends & family) for your help, care, love, and especially prayers for our family.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!

Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

Psalm 34:8

faithfulness...

We had our one (and hopefully only) bankruptcy hearing last week.  Went exceedingly well.  God gave us favor with the magistrate who let us proceed without our social security cards (we were supposed to have them, but weren't told to bring them), and he also was in a hurry so we only got 3 or maybe 4 questions asked of us (none of them pertaining to Brainbox at all!).  For all the anxiety Bill had built up for the event, there was so much grace.

Now most recently -- as you may know in our bankruptcy we decided to surrender the townhouse.  This could mean that we have anywhere from 30 days to 6 months to move.   It was very difficult not knowing.  Bill mentioned this in passing to an exceedingly kind friend and he chose to bless us with an immediate move and a year's worth of paid rent.  It was such a gift from God.  On top of that we found a house that really stood out from the rest from what we saw.  We were basically seeing houses that would have been essentially a lateral move and we were mostly hoping to gain a little space for the boys to move without bumping into a table or other piece of furniture and somewhere we felt safe having the boys outside as it is growing increasingly sketchy in our 'hood.'  The landlord was a little reluctant to rent to us, understandably, since we were in the midst of filing for bankruptcy, but with a year's rent up front and the grace of favor from the Lord, he agreed to rent to us and we are so very grateful for what is a big move up for us (feeling a little like the Jeffersons... movin' on up. :) ).  We have lots of space and can't wait to hopefully steward it well to increase our hospitality and involve more folks in our lives.   Our care group/leaders' meetings will now not be elbow-to-elbow, as it is now if everyone comes.

All that said, we are moving in stages over the next 2-3 weeks.  And we are continuing to marvel over God's goodness, mercy, and provision for us.  We are excited for a fresh start!

meeting of the creditors...

Our bankruptcy hearing was called the "Meeting with the Creditors"... the somewhat equivalent version of a trial for our bankruptcy case.  Creditors are allowed to come to ask questions or ask for more details.  There were lots of uncertanties and anxieties for us going into the meeting.  When we got there, our attorney asked for social security cards.  Uhhhh, what?  We had no idea we needed them.  We told our lawyer it wasn't in the letter we received with all the details concerning the hearing. She checked and it was certainly not there.  She said the best she can do is ask the magistrate for a postponement.  Obviously this was tough news for us... having to wait longer, and we had booked a hotel room the previous night to avoid the commute in the morning (and to save Bill's sanity).

Our lawyer went in and talked to the magistrate and came out and told us the really good news that he would accept a faxed copy from the attorney's office, so we just had to head over there when we got home.  (Just a brief point of praise:  I had just recently gotten my social security card replaced because I couldn't find it.  I didn't need it for anything.  Just felt that it was important to get it replaced in case I would need it for some reason.  So grateful for the Lord's prompting!)  So it was time for our hearing.  We went into this room with about a dozen other folks, all whose cases were also scheduled for 9:30.  We were probably around the 6th case to be heard on the 9:30 docket.  It was really weird.  The magistrate sat at the front of the room at a long table.  Each person went up with their lawyer, and in front of everyone, had to answer the magistrate's questions publicly.  We were a little wary of having to speak to the magistrate in front of others.

I guess if you've been doing this for a long time, you know where to look, but the magistrate seemed to know exactly what questions to ask, somewhat different for each case, to find discrepancies in what was in the paperwork and what was said.  During the case before our's (or prior to that), there was a random attorney who leaned in to ask the magistrate if he had a few minutes to discuss a few things.  He said "I have to leave in 5 or 6 minutes to get to court."   Bill was seriously confused.  He thought maybe the magistrate was just going to dismiss the rest of us until later or something, but he just plowed on.  So it came to our turn.  He asked us about our mortgage status and our intentions with the townhouse.  We answered (after being sworn in) and then he just asked if all our assets/debts were reflected in our documentation and we said, "yes."  Didn't ask anything about Brainbox, and then we were finished.  He flipped over our file, wrote some stuff on the back of it, as he did with the others, and that was that.  None of our creditors had showed up either.

Pretty painless.  Bill asked the associate lawyer who was with us what the next steps would be and she said we should get our letter confirming the discharge (release of debt) in the next 30-60 days.  That's it?  That's it.

When Bill went in to fax over the social security cards, he ran into the attorney we had mostly been working with.  The attorney said unless there are some major red flags, we should be done, as our associate attorney said earlier.

It was pretty amazing to see God show us such favor in various steps of this situation.  The fact that he let us go in without our SS cards (which honestly the attorney seemed surprised about) and the fact that he was in a rush and didn't ask us hardly any questions... that just confirmed the Lord's hand in the situation, and now there's another big burden lifted.   Now we have to find a place to live and we should be good!  :)

We are marveling at God's mercy towards us, as truly we are debtors to mercy alone.  We also were very struck by an impression that was shared with Bill by a friend in our leaders' group.  He said the hearing is very similar to Judgment Day when we will see the Lord face to face.  In the hearing we went to today, we were to report on our financial dealings, hoping to have our financial debt forgiven.  But on Judgment Day, the Lord will look over all our dealings in life, from our thoughts to how we have treated people to how we have walked through all that He put before us.  And this won't happen in private.  It will be like the meeting of the creditors, before all mankind to see.  But ALL of it will be FORGIVEN.  Isn't that amazing?  EVERY sin will be brought to light, and ALL of it will be FORGIVEN.  It will all be wiped clean because the debt has already been paid.  It is stunning to think that all is forgiven because of what Christ bore on the cross.

Thank you, Andrew, for the impression you shared.  It ministered much to our souls.  And thank you all so much for your help, support, counsel, prayers, and encouragement in this season.  Obviously we're still not "out of the woods," but we're getting there!   The next step is to look for a place to rent .  =)  Bill's mom came and babysat the boys for us last night and she took us out to celebrate and we ate some amazing sushi!  Mmmm.... (Thanks, Mom!)

home...

Just wanted to post some thoughts that have been bringing much peace on the eve of our bankruptcy hearing.  These are thoughts that I've been meditating on since our bankruptcy journey has started, especially in knowing that we would not be able to purchase our own home anytime within the next few years... at least.  That definitely took some wrestling through with the Lord... that dream of owning a single family home with a big yard for the boys to play in, a place where you can be hospitable and not worry about limited space, a place where you can just come to rest, put your feet up, and just be yourself... knowing that this is the place where people love you the most no matter how sinful you are, a place that is secure, safe, comforting, warm, inviting, loving... that's a home (to me).  =)

But having to come to terms with the possibility that we may never own our own home (since we have no idea how long the market will be the way it is or how long it will actually take for us to recover our credit.  Only the Lord knows these things as He holds our future in His hands.), really forced me to ask myself why this meant so much to me.  Why did I have this specific picture of what a home looks like?  Why was I thinking that I would feel a sense of completion when I attained this kind of a "home?"  And what does it mean if things don't turn out that way?  I quickly realized that wanting a place to call home is not sinful in and of itself.  God has given us a desire to call somewhere home... to be known and loved... to be home somewhere...

As I considered all this, I was so grateful for the Lord's reminder that my true home in fact, is not here.  My citizenship is not here.  Home is in Heaven with Him, where He has prepared a place for me.

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ...

Philippians 3:20

In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.

John 14:2-3

And if on this earth, I never have a place I can really call "home," I am grateful for the opportunity to be reminded over and over again that I have a better home to one day look forward to.  It's not time yet to kick my feet up and rest.  =)  As long as I am given breath, the Lord has work for me to do.  So I want to do it gratefully, knowing that I have a heavenly home to look forward to, where my gracious and loving Father is also.  And I thank God for the opportunity to also point my sons to the tangible fact that their ultimate home is not here either.  Wherever God leads us, it's home b/c He's there with us.  Not because we have a certain kind of home that looks a certain way.

No matter how things go tomorrow, we know that the only thing they can take from us is "stuff."  And though that would be hard to lose our physical possessions, we know we will always retain what is of infinite and eternal value... our standing as forgiven children of God.  In light of this, knowing that we are not only forgiven, but also adopted into God's family as co-heirs with Christ, we have been very grateful for this opportunity to keep our eyes heavenward and to live by faith.  So whether we have a physical dwelling we would like to call home, Home is ultimately where God leads us, eventually to that final destination where He has already prepared a place for us.

it's official...

We finally filed for bankruptcy and decided to surrender our townhouse.  =(  After a lot of prayer and counsel, we had much confirmation that it was time, considering all the business debt we owe and things just coming to a head at Brainbox.  While this decision has been a long time coming, I think knowing that it's now official will take some time to set in.  Amazingly though, we have much peace about the decision and are eager to move ahead after an especially grueling year and a half of work for Bill.  The past year and a half has also taken its toll on Bill's health.  So for that important reason, as well as many others, we felt the Lord leading us to this decision.

We are indebted to the many people who have prayed for us, taken the time to listen and provide godly counsel, helped us financially, and cared for our family.  The Lord's provision for us has clearly been made evident through your support and love for us.

Most importantly, we are incredibly grateful to the Lord for answering our prayers, providing clarity on making this decision, and for His grace that has carried us thus far.  There is definitely temptation to feel daunted and overwhelmed by our situation, especially over the next several months (i.e. packing up and having to move out, having to find a place to rent, experiencing the repercussions of having bad credit due to the bankruptcy, etc.), but we have been reminded of God's mercy and goodness to us... that He already knows our future and is not overwhelmed by our circumstances.  In fact, it's quite the opposite.  =)  He is intimately involved in everything that is going on and is in control over all that is happening.  We know that there is purpose behind everything we walk through and that there is much divine grace available to walk through what God has called us to because He delights in us.  (How humbling and wonderful to know that God delights in us!)

Here is a passage that has been especially encouraging to Bill:

If the Lord had not been my help,

my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.

When I thought, “My foot slips,”

your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.

When the cares of my heart are many,

your consolations cheer my soul.

Psalm 94:17-19

And for me, I have been finding comfort in Spurgeon:

“He trusts in the Lord; let him deliver him;

let him rescue him, for he delights in him!”

Psalm 22:8

Faith teaches us to look for the end of every trial and to know that this trial works together for good if we love God, if we are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28).  Faith teaches us to depend on God's power during trials.  Thus, we no longer stumble but rise above our afflictions.

Believer, if you are anxious, careworn, and worried, it cannot do you any good.  It reflects no honor on your great Father.  Pray for faith to transfer your back-breaking load to the great Burden bearer...  If you are content with the divine will, it is better than increased riches, because wealth does not bring peace, and prosperity gives no joy in the Lord.  

Whatever burden faith finds, it casts it on God in prayer...

Believers, go to God with the matters of each day.  Look for morning dew to fall and for God to be your constant shield.  At night before you rest, empty the day's gathered troubles and fall into a happy sleep.  Thus, we sweetly live, trusting our Lord with everything and finding Him always near.

In all this, our Savior's example leads us, and His love within our hearts draws us.  "He trusted in the Lord, let Him rescue him; let Him deliver him, since He delights in him" (Ps. 22:8).

We are in many ways, excited for the opportunities to really live by faith as we see what the Lord has in store for us.  Would LOVE your prayers for increased faith for the days ahead... that there would be much continued peace and joy to pack when we find out when we need to move out and that the Lord would graciously provide a place for us to rent (ideally closer to Bill's other job in Columbia).  (The timeline can be anywhere between 4 -12 months.)  Can't thank you enough for your prayers and care!!  They have truly helped carry us through this difficult season.

5 years...

It's our 5-year anniversary!! It's exciting to think how the Lord has brought us to this milestone in our marriage. So much has changed in the 5 years we've been together. God has been kind to provide our townhouse to live in, expand our family with 2 wonderful, healthy boys, and sustain us through our financial trials. The Lord has been more than merciful and gracious in each difficulty He has walked us through in our short 5 years together. But most of all, I am grateful for the wise, gentle, kind, and loving man who leads me and our family through it all.

Not sure what the next 5 years will hold, but if it's with my amazing Boo, I'm looking forward to it! Love you, Boo!