need this pounded into my head...

I have been pondering this lately...  In care group, we've been going through Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands, by Paul Tripp.  I wish I could plaster this in front of my face somehow so I could remember this.  Such great truth to be continually reminded of:

What should we do to be part of God's work in the lives of others?  Paul uses the word ambassadors to define what it means to live incarnationally.   

The job of an ambassador is to represent someone or something.  Everything he does and says must intentionally represent a leader who is not physically present.  His calling is not limited to forty hours a week, to certain state events, or to times of international crisis.  He is always the king's representative.  He stands in the place of the king (or the government of his country) wherever he is, whatever he is doing.  His relationships are not primarily driven by his own happiness.  He decides to go places and do things because they will help him to faithfully represent the king.  Thus the work of an ambassador is incarnational.  His actions, character, and words embody the king who is not present. 

Paul says that God has called us all to function as his ambassadors.  Our lives do not belong to us for our own fulfillment.  The primary issue is, "How can I best represent the King in this place, with this particular person?"  This is not a part-time calling; it is a lifestyle.  When an ambassador assumes his responsibilities, his life ceases to be his own.  Everything he says and does has import because of the king he represents.  Anything less is an affront to the king and a denial of the ambassadorial calling. 

What is God calling you to in your marriage?  To be an ambassador.  What is God calling you to as a parent?  To be an ambassador.  What is God calling you to regarding your friends and neighbors?  To be an ambassador.  What is God calling you to at work and in leisure?  To be an ambassador.  We represent God's purposes to the people he places in our lives.  This is much broader than a commitment to formal ministry occupying a portion of our schedule.  It acknowledges that our lives belong to the King.   

But this is where we get ourselves into trouble.  We don't really want to live as ambassadors.  We would rather live as mini-kings.  We know what we like and the people we want to be with.  We know the kind of house we'd like to own and the car we want to drive.  Without even recognizing it, we quickly fall into a "my desire, my will, and my way" lifestyle, where the things we say and do are driven by the cravings of our own hearts.  If we were honest, we would have to confess that the central prayer of our hearts is "my kingdom come" (p. 104-105). 

Why are we so good at turning moments of ministry into moments of anger?  Why are we so adept at personalizing what is not personal?  Why does it seem that people, things, and situations are in our way?  Why do we seldom go through a day without some experience of conflict?  The answer to all of these questions is that we think of our lives as our own, and we are more committed to the purposes of our own kingdom than we are to God's.  We need to recognize that the people in our way have been sent to us by a wise and sovereign King.  He never gets a wrong address and always chooses just the right moment to expose our hearts and realign them to his (p. 106-107).

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

~ Galatians 2:20 ~

costly grace...

I read this wonderful quote by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, "the German pastor who was executed by Hitler's regime in the dying days of the Second World War" (The Message of Leviticus, by Derek Tidball; p. 84).  It's about how grace is not cheap, but I often treat it cheaply... I think because there is an infinite supply of it.  In fact, it's something that is always available for me, but how often do I choose grace over being in sin?  Not enough...

Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock.

Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ.  It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life.  It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner.  Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of His Son:  'ye were bought with a price', and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us.  Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon His Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered Him up for us.

What cost God much cannot be cheap for us.  Lord, help me remember daily the value of costly grace...

spurgeon...

I received much encouragement through this passage as Bill is walking through some significant (the worst he's had) health problems in this season.  Would love your prayers for healing for Bill's stomach issues, peace through his battles with anxiety, and faith and joy to walk through God's will for us as a couple and family.

the hollow of His hand... Isaiah 40:12

Beloved, remember everything that happens to you comes in the course of divine providence.  Your loving heavenly Father has foreseen, foreknown, and, I venture, foreordained it all.  The medicine that you have to drink is bitter, but the unerring Physician has measured the ingredients drop by drop and mixed them in a way that will best work for your highest good.

Nothing in this world happens by chance.  Our great God has "measured the waters in the hollow of His hand, measured heaven with a span and calculated the dust of the earth in a measure" (Isa. 40:12).  Our great God makes the clouds His chariot and He walks on the wings of the wind (Ps. 104:3).  This same God cares for you with such special care that He has numbered the very hairs of your head (Matt. 10:30).  He even puts your tears in His bottle (Ps. 56:8).  You may rest assured that even those experiences that are causing much sorrow are in accord with His eternal counsel and decree... [for His glory and for your good.]

The rest of the chapter goes on about the greatness of God and the puny-ness of mankind... and closes with these verses (25-31):

  To whom then will you compare me,
that I should be like him? says the Holy One.
  Lift up your eyes on high and see:
who created these?
He who brings out their host by number,
calling them all by name,
by the greatness of his might,
and because he is strong in power
not one is missing.

Why do you say, O Jacob,
and speak, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the LORD,
and my right is disregarded by my God”?
  Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
  He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
  Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
  but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.

Our heart (though my flesh resists it) is to rest in the power and might of the Almighty One.  We know there is eternal purpose in what we are walking through and pray that it will only strengthen us in this season to walk steadfastly and not waver in our faith for what God has deemed His good for us.  That is, joyful submission for what He has for us.  =)

happy birthday, boo!

My Boo turned the big 3-5.  =)  Hard to believe!!  Although we are both feeling our age, I wanted to take some time to affirm, encourage, and thank him for how he has led our family through our financial trials.  I know I am blessed beyond measure to have a man work with such integrity to provide for our family.  The last year and a half have not been easy, as he has born the brunt of the burden to work off debt from Brainbox.  We had gone through all our savings and gotten through hard times through the financial help of family, friends, and a few anonymous givers.  Bill had worked tirelessly all day and late into the night.  Paying off the debt that Brainbox owed was always very important to Bill.  And I am grateful for a husband who desired to walk with integrity and faithfulness in his work.

With an impending lawsuit against his company this past summer, we finally made the painful decision to declare bankruptcy.  (We would have otherwise spent the rest of our lives paying back the business debt that was owed.)  But God was so faithful with all the timing.  Bill's health was beginning to fail due to all the stress that had accumulated from the past year and a half.  Making the decision to file was the most difficult for him, but as soon as the decision was made, God just blessed us more than we could have ever imagined.  In the span of 3 months, He graciously provided another place for us to live (with more space than our old townhouse and a yard for the boys to play in) in a safe, quiet neighborhood, along with the first year of rent paid for.  Such a blessing as this will allow us to begin saving some money again since losing all our savings over the last year or so.  Once we filed, Bill said it literally felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.  We finally felt like we had room to breathe again, as the bankruptcy actually became an extraordinary blessing.  We were able to surrender our old townhouse and not have to deal with the hassle of selling.  We would have had to pour thousands more dollars into upgrading it even as it continued to be a negative investment since it's underwater.  It was money we didn't have.  And now with the bankruptcy filed, our debt has been forgiven and Bill can now work under more "normal" circumstances.  Before, Bill was able to work from home, but he was not home with us.  But now He has more regular working hours, time to play with the boys, and just time at home with us.  We love being able to have our time with him again.

Anyway, all this to say it has been an amazing year with you, Boo.  The Lord has stretched you and humbled you, but oh, how He has blessed you.  Though it was difficult, it has been amazing to walk through these trials with you and see God's kind and gracious provision.  I can't stop marveling at how merciful God has been.  And through it all, He has used this to increase your faith.  As the Lord worked mightily to deliver the Israelites from the hands of the Egyptians, so He has worked mightily to deliver us.  A commentary I read says, "... where the Israelites saw only an unwanted disaster [when they were trapped between the Red Sea and Pharoah's army], the Lord had a purpose that would minister to his glory, give them assurance of faith and secure the future from the menaces of their past.  For on That day the LORD saved Israel from the hands of the Egyptians, and Israel saw the Egyptians lying dead on the shore (Ex. 14:30).  At this demonstration of the great power of the LORD... the people feared the LORD and put their trust in him (14:31).  In the same way, the Lord had a purpose in this trial and bankruptcy that would minister to his glory, give us assurance of faith, and secure the future from the menaces of our past (our financial debt).  God has grown us in this season for this purpose:  to witness and attest to the great power of the LORD, so that we may fear him and put our trust in Him.  I love you, Boo... and am eager to see all that the Lord will do with our "new" start.

not that i chose thee...

Bill shared this hymn with me, which is actually at the beginning of the Jesus Storybook Bible.  In light of William's confession of faith, it was a great reminder of God's sovereign, enabling grace, especially for our precious boy...

          "Lord, 'Tis Not that I Did Choose Thee"

                          by Josiah Conder, 1789-1855

                                  Text From:

                       THE HANDBOOK TO THE LUTHERAN HYMNAL

                (St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House, 1942) p.32

                                       

        1. Lord, 'tis not that I did choose Thee;

        That, I know, could never be;

        For this heart would still refuse Thee

        Had Thy grace not chosen me.

        Thou hast from the sin that stained me

        Washed and cleansed and set me free

        And unto this end ordained me,

        That I ever live to Thee.

        2. 'Twas Thy grace in Christ that called me,

        Taught my darkened heart and mind;

        Else the world had yet enthralled me,

        To Thy heavenly glories blind.

        Now my heart owns none above Thee;

        For Thy grace alone I thirst,

        Knowing well that, if I love Thee,

        Thou, O Lord, didst love me first.

        3. Praise the God of all creation;

        Praise the Father's boundless love.

        Praise the Lamb, our Expiation,

        Priest and King enthroned above.

        Praise the Spirit of salvation,

        Him by whom our spirits live.

        Undivided adoration

        To the great Jehovah give.

it's official...

We finally filed for bankruptcy and decided to surrender our townhouse.  =(  After a lot of prayer and counsel, we had much confirmation that it was time, considering all the business debt we owe and things just coming to a head at Brainbox.  While this decision has been a long time coming, I think knowing that it's now official will take some time to set in.  Amazingly though, we have much peace about the decision and are eager to move ahead after an especially grueling year and a half of work for Bill.  The past year and a half has also taken its toll on Bill's health.  So for that important reason, as well as many others, we felt the Lord leading us to this decision.

We are indebted to the many people who have prayed for us, taken the time to listen and provide godly counsel, helped us financially, and cared for our family.  The Lord's provision for us has clearly been made evident through your support and love for us.

Most importantly, we are incredibly grateful to the Lord for answering our prayers, providing clarity on making this decision, and for His grace that has carried us thus far.  There is definitely temptation to feel daunted and overwhelmed by our situation, especially over the next several months (i.e. packing up and having to move out, having to find a place to rent, experiencing the repercussions of having bad credit due to the bankruptcy, etc.), but we have been reminded of God's mercy and goodness to us... that He already knows our future and is not overwhelmed by our circumstances.  In fact, it's quite the opposite.  =)  He is intimately involved in everything that is going on and is in control over all that is happening.  We know that there is purpose behind everything we walk through and that there is much divine grace available to walk through what God has called us to because He delights in us.  (How humbling and wonderful to know that God delights in us!)

Here is a passage that has been especially encouraging to Bill:

If the Lord had not been my help,

my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.

When I thought, “My foot slips,”

your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.

When the cares of my heart are many,

your consolations cheer my soul.

Psalm 94:17-19

And for me, I have been finding comfort in Spurgeon:

“He trusts in the Lord; let him deliver him;

let him rescue him, for he delights in him!”

Psalm 22:8

Faith teaches us to look for the end of every trial and to know that this trial works together for good if we love God, if we are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28).  Faith teaches us to depend on God's power during trials.  Thus, we no longer stumble but rise above our afflictions.

Believer, if you are anxious, careworn, and worried, it cannot do you any good.  It reflects no honor on your great Father.  Pray for faith to transfer your back-breaking load to the great Burden bearer...  If you are content with the divine will, it is better than increased riches, because wealth does not bring peace, and prosperity gives no joy in the Lord.  

Whatever burden faith finds, it casts it on God in prayer...

Believers, go to God with the matters of each day.  Look for morning dew to fall and for God to be your constant shield.  At night before you rest, empty the day's gathered troubles and fall into a happy sleep.  Thus, we sweetly live, trusting our Lord with everything and finding Him always near.

In all this, our Savior's example leads us, and His love within our hearts draws us.  "He trusted in the Lord, let Him rescue him; let Him deliver him, since He delights in him" (Ps. 22:8).

We are in many ways, excited for the opportunities to really live by faith as we see what the Lord has in store for us.  Would LOVE your prayers for increased faith for the days ahead... that there would be much continued peace and joy to pack when we find out when we need to move out and that the Lord would graciously provide a place for us to rent (ideally closer to Bill's other job in Columbia).  (The timeline can be anywhere between 4 -12 months.)  Can't thank you enough for your prayers and care!!  They have truly helped carry us through this difficult season.

this day...

I have always loved this oldie from Point of Grace. (I think it came out sometime in the early 90's.) It never fails to make me teary. Lately, I listened to it again, and the Lord has been using the lyrics of this song to help me cherish my days with my boys and not take them for granted, as I can so easily do. I especially love the bridge and last verse. "This Day," by Point of Grace...

This day is fragile - soon it will end.

And once it has vanished, it will not come again.

So let us love with a love pure and strong,

Before this day is gone.

This day is fleeting when it slips away,

Not all our money can buy back this day.

So let us pray that we might be a friend,

Before this day is gone.

This day is fleeting.

When it slips away,

Not all our money can buy back this day.

So let us pray that we might be a friend,

Before this day is spent.

This day we're given is golden.

Let us show love.

This day is ours for one moment,

Let us sow love.

This day is frail - it will pass by.

So before it's too late to recapture the time,

Let us share love, let us share God.

Before this day is gone.

Before this day is gone.

a word from spurgeon...

This passage from Beside Still Waters really spoke to me. I am so prone to complain these days about our financial situation, busy/hectic days, or just things I think I deserve...

Earthly comforts are loaned. They are not gifts, for all that we possess is God's property. He has only lent them, and what he lends He has a right to take. We hold possessions and friends on a lease that can be terminated at the Supreme Owner's option. Therefore, do not complain when God takes His own. In a world where thorns and briars grow, it is natural that some sharp points will pierce you.

The world swarms with thieves, deceivers, and slanderers, with losses in business, crosses in our expectations, false or fickle friends, and with sickness and death. Little wonder our joys are stolen. Our Master warns that our habitation is not theft-proof. "Do not lay up for yourself treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal" (Matt. 6:19).

Beloved, because these calamities may be expected, let us be prepared. Hold all things loosely. Hold them as though you did not have them. Look at them as fleeting; never expect them to remain. Never make mortal things your gods. If you do, your heart will be broken when they are taken, and you will cry with Micah, "You have taken away my gods which I made" (Judg. 18:24) (p. 22, emphases mine).

This passage especially spoke to me about my relationships with people, in particular those close to me. This is perhaps one of the most difficult areas for me to have charitable thoughts, as I tend to judge, compare, and have unspoken and high expectations. It was a great reminder that EVERY area of my life is on loan from the Lord, including friends and family. Nothing is owed to me. I can definitely relate to Micah when my heart gets broken or I get angry when those relationships are not what I want/expect them to be or are taken away... never realizing that I have made an idol of them. My heart is broken and I fall into sin b/c they are what I had put my hope in, holding on to them as if I had nothing else. I was very convicted by this passage to hold onto my relationships as though I did not have them... to be grateful for the time that I have with the dear people God has placed in my life. And when friendships or relationships seem to be changing, to be willing to let them go and accepting of how the Lord may be shifting the nature of our friendship/relationship. Sadly, looking back on my life, I see what a pattern that has been... just constantly putting people before God and putting my hope in them, rather than in my perfect Creator. I pray that the Lord would help me learn how to hold all things loosely, to never expect them to remain so that my full trust and obedience can rightfully be to God and Him alone.

a prayer for my boys...

We commend our young to Your tenderest care. How deep, how abiding are early impressions! While the soil is yet tender--may seeds of godliness be sown.

Before Satan with his legion stealthily creeps in,
before the world with its bewitching vanities allures,
before corrupt examples beckon to destruction's way,
--do, O blessed Jesus, enter and win their first affections, and mold their pliant wills. Show them in life's dawn--Your beauty and Your glory, the peaceful charms of godly walk, and seal them by Your Spirit as Your own forever.

May Your Holy Spirit be the great teacher, to instruct them that Christ is the mine containing all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. May they early learn that the fear of the Lord is true wisdom, that to depart from evil is right understanding, and that to be brave for Christ is the noblest heroism.

Holy Father, turn not away from the desire of our hearts, humbly presented in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

~ from Family Prayers, by Henry Law ~

the Jesus storybook bible

Recently, Bill and I have started reading The Jesus Storybook Bible to William.  We've read his toddler Bible about a gazillion times.  It's pretty watered down, and since William's language and comprehension have been developing more, we thought it was time to move on to something a little more meatier.  The Jesus Storybook Bible is still a little over his head, so we may have to hold off on it a little longer.  But we've been reading it for the first time over the last few nights and I LOVE it!  It actually made me cry.  Not only does it tell Bible stories, but it also explains what actually happened.  I literally felt like I was reading a sermon.  And it was incredibly Gospel-centered.  We've only read the first few chapters, but if the rest of the book is anything like the beginning, we can't wait until William is old enough to jump into it with him and talk to him about it.  

Here's an excerpt of what I read from Adam and Eve in the garden.  It ministered so much to my soul as I read it to William.  It contained such rich truth...

As soon as the snake saw his chance, he slithered silently up to Eve.  "Does God really love you?" the serpent whispered.  "If he does, why won't he let you eat the nice, juicy, delicious fruit?  Poor you, perhaps God doesn't want you to be happy."

The snake's words hissed into her ears and sunk down deep into her heart, like poison.  "Does God love me?"  Eve wondered.  Suddenly she didn't know anymore.  

"Just trust me," the serpent whispered.  "You don't need God.  One small taste, that's all, and you'll be happier than you could ever dream..."

Eve picked the fruit and ate some.  And Adam ate some, too.

And a terrible lie came into the world.  It would never leave.  It would live on in every human heart, whispering to every one of God's children:  "God doesn't love me."  

And it wasn't a dream.  It was a nightmare.

A dove flew from Adam's hand.  A deer darted in a thicket.  It was as if they were frightened by something.  A chill was in the air.  Something strange was happening.  They had always been naked - but now they felt naked, and wrong, and they didn't want anyone to see them.  So they hid.

Later that evening, as God was taking his walk, he called to them.  "Children?"

Usually Adam and Eve loved to hear God's voice and would run to him.  But this time, they ran away from him and hid in the shadows.  

"Where are you?" God called.

"Hiding," Adam said.  "We're afraid of you."

"Did you eat the fruit I told you not to eat?" God asked them.

Adam said, "Eve made me do it!"

"What have you done?" God asked.

Eve said, "The serpent made me do it!"

And terrible pain came into God's heart.  His children hadn't just broken the one rule; they had broken God's heart.  They had broken their wonderful relationship with him.  And now he knew everything else would break.  God's creation would start to unravel, and come undone, and go wrong.  From now on, everything would die - even though it was supposed to last forever.

You see, sin had come into God's perfect world.  And it would never leave.  God's children would be always running away from him and hiding in the dark.  Their hearts would break now, and never work properly again.

God couldn't let his children live forever, not in such pain, not without him.  There was only one way to protect them.

"You will have to leave the garden now," God told his children, his eyes filling with tears.  "This is no longer your true home, it's not the place for you anymore."

But before they left the garden, God made clothes for his children, to cover them.  He gently clothed them and then he sent them away on a long, long journey - out of the garden, out of their home.  

Well, in another story, it would all be over and that would have been...

The End.

But not in this Story.

God loved his children too much to let the story end there.  Even though he knew he would suffer, God had a plan - a magnificent dream.  One day, he would get his children back.  One day, he would make the world their perfect home again.  And one day, he would wipe away every tear from their eyes.

You see, no matter what, in spite of everything, God would love his children - with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.

And though they would forget him, and run from him, deep in their hearts, God's children would miss him always, and long for him - lost children yearning for their home.

Before they left the garden, God whispered a promise to Adam and Eve:  "It will not always be so!  I will come to rescue you!  And when I do, I'm going to do battle against the snake.  I'll get rid of the sin and the dark and the sadness you let in here.  I'm coming back for you!"

And he would.  One day, God himself would come.

Can't wait to read more and see what happens!  ;)

happy valentine's day, boo!

My Boo...  Recently, I've thought about the words to this song I loved when I was in college.  It made me dream and wonder about the man that the Lord would have me marry someday.  And now that I am on the other side of the altar, I can see how much more the Lord has given me in you.  Aside from a few specifics, God was faithful to answer so much more than what I even knew to ask for.  He knew exactly what I needed and in His incredible kindness, ended up giving me so much more than I deserve.  So I wanted to share the lyrics to the song with you.  

If You Could See What I See, by Geoff Moore and the Distance

All of my life

I have dreamed

that somehow love would find me.

Now I can't believe you're standing here.

If beauty is all

in the eye

of the beholder then I

wish you could see

the love for you that lives in me.

(Chorus)

And you would know you have my heart

If you could see, what I see

that a treasure's what you are

if you could see, what I see.

Created to be

the only one for me

If you could see, what I see

I know there are days

when you feel

so much less than ideal

wondering what I see in you

It's all of the light

and the grace

your belief in me drives me to say

that I promise you

a faithful love, forever true.

(Chorus)

If you could see

then you'd understand

why I fall down to my knees

and I pray my love

will be worthy of

the One who gave His life

so our love could be.

If you could see

what i see...

You're created to be

The perfect one for me

If you could see

what I see.

If beauty is all

in the eye

of the beholder then I

am beholding...

true beauty

Boo, you are such a gift and treasure to me.  Even though I don't show it or say it as much as I should, I love you so very, very much!

expectations...

There is a great quote from our pastor's wife's blog about the danger of expectations...  I found it so helpful in light of my daily pride and arrogance that all of life should go a certain way... namely MY way.  And if it doesn't, then I am often tempted to discontentment and thoughts that God is not good b/c He has not treated me the way I think I deserve.  In other words, entitlement and expectations often undergird what I think I deserve.  What a perilous and self-focused place to be...

"My pride drives my expectations. I deserve... My arrogance and sense of entitlement inflates my expectations of what I should get today, what He should bestow. O Heart, do not make the dangerous shift to expectations. Remember, He owes me nothing. I owe Him everything."

love is patient

Patience is not something that comes easily for me.  In fact, it is often a fortitude that seems to disappear when something in life does not go my way or happen as I expected, which is pretty often b/c I'm an impatient person.  As I was blog-surfing, I found this awesome post on patience that was very convicting and eye-opening.  And it brought many insightful thoughts on how I can serve my husband and family better, if I am willing to cultivate this virtue.  This is some of what it said:

“Love can only be patient when it is first grateful for what is right now.”
It is true: I can love only when I am thankful for the now. When I embrace the present as a gift, a time and place not to be afraid of, to resist and fight, but a place to welcome as a wise bestowment from a kind Father.
Love cannot be patient when I am discontented or my fears (of failure, of bedlam) drive me to micromanage. Patience can only grow in the soil of gratitude. Lack gratitude, then lack patience, and, ultimately, lack love.
Henri Nouwen suggests that
“[t]he word patience means willingness to stay where we are and live out the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.”
Patience is only a possibility when we mindfully invite this moment to rest here, and not hurry on. And we can, because we know that this moment brings us something, something yet hidden, that will reveal itself as a gift for which we can give thanks.
Nouwen offers that “patient people dare to stay where they are. Patient living means to live actively in the present….”
I reflect on and concur: Patient pilgrims linger in the present, thankful for what is. Patient people dare to accept people where they are, grateful for who they are now, appreciative of works of art not yet finished but still deeply loved. Aren't we all just that?
Deep breathe. Love is patient. And it can only be patient when it is first grateful, receiving the present as a present... grace.

You can read the entire post here.

baby update 6

We went to see the ob this morning and everything seemed fine with the baby. It was a very quick appointment. Other than having slightly swollen hands and legs, the only thing to report is that I had taken my 1-hour glucose test over the holidays and it came up with high sugar levels. So I'll have to take the 3-hour glucose test again within the next couple of weeks. I will find out then whether I have gestational diabetes again or not.

Please pray that the blood tests would come back normal, but also that if they're not, I would be able to find joy in the Lord's will for me and to trust in His ways for me... that they indeed are what is best and good for me. I could definitely see many of the hidden blessings the last time I had gestational diabetes, so it won't be devastating like it was for me the previous time. Even that is something to be incredibly grateful to the Lord for... that I am able to look back in hindsight and see how the Lord had used that for my good, primarily in the area of self-control and eating healthy. (I am such a glutton for food.) =P

I have been slowly going through Genesis and am constantly amazed at Abraham's faith. Don't get me wrong. Abraham definitely was not perfect and made a lot of mistakes when he fell to unbelief, but the faith that he had to have had to believe that the Lord would make him the father of many nations... even though he would never actually get to see that come to fruition... and even trusting in the Lord's promise for an offspring after over 20 years of waiting for Isaac... I want to have faith like that when I am going through hard times. Faith that is able to focus on the character of God and His promises to me, rather than what my feelings or circumstances are telling me. I read in a commentary, "Faith rests on the fact that God is faithful... Faith requires testing if it is to grow... The point of the exercise is to trust God because he has promised, and to act on his word before there is external evidence that he will do as he has said."

So I know it's not the end of the world if I get gestational diabetes. It's not even close. =) And I can trust that the Lord will sustain me, even regardless of whether I am able to recognize it or not. Whether I acknowledge it or not, whether I know it or not, God's character and holy love for me does not change. Of course, I'd prefer to be in the know so that I can more fully understand and appreciate His mercies on me... knowing that I am a sinner in constant (in the sanctification sense of the word) need of a Savior and His sustaining grace in my life. =)

"The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made" (Psalm 145:9).

Anyway, here is a brief synopsis on what the Lord is doing in our baby boy at 27 weeks (We're almost in the 3rd trimester!):

At 13 weeks from birth, your baby is now almost 14 inches from head to toe and tips the scales at a little more than two pounds. He's bulking up with fat to keep him warm after he's born, and his lungs continue to develop. His immune system is also gearing up for life outside the womb. He has discovered thumb sucking, which isn't such a bad thing in the womb--it helps strengthen his cheek and jaw.

(pic & info from parenting.com)