extraordinary mercy

Last Saturday, Bill and I had to call 911 because William's little face had blown up like a balloon, he had broken out into hives, and had a hard time breathing. He seemed to be having an allergic reaction, but to what, we didn't know. Bill went with William in the ambulance and I drove our car and met them at the hospital. It wasn't until I was in transit that I realized, with a horrible sinking feeling, that I had probaby given him regular milk instead of his soymilk. When I saw them take my little boy out of the ambulance, I prayed that God would have mercy on him despite my incredibly stupid mistake. I was relieved to see that he was just staring in amazement at everything and just wondering what was going on. After a couple of shots to clear his airway and bring down the swelling... and being observed for a while, we were finally able to leave the hospital with a tired and hungry little boy (he had missed his lunch & nap), but also with such grateful hearts. (The pic above was when we were on our way home from the hospital.  You can see that William's eyes and lips are still extremely swollen.)

Later that evening, Bill and I were recounting how God had shown us so much grace and mercy throughout the ordeal. The ambulance had arrived in about 5 minutes and the paramedics were able to assess the situation quickly (even though we didn't know at the time why William was seemingly having an allergic reaction) and administer the correct medicine to help him breathe better. They were also extremely kind and friendly, not just caring for William, but also making sure that I was ok with everything that was going on. When we took William outside to the ambulance, he was excited to see it and the fire truck parked right out in front of our house. (Just a cute sidenote: William always likes to go outside when he hears the garbage truck come. He'll just watch and point to the truck, saying "Ka ka, ka ka" over and over again. And after it circles around our court, he waves as it goes by. And usually, the garbage men will honk the horn when they see him.) He kept pointing to the ambulance and fire truck and saying, "Ka ka, ka ka!" (That means car/truck/etc. He doesn't know how to say truck or ambulance yet.) Bill said that the only time he cried was when the paramedics gave him a nebulizer and a shot. Otherwise, he was content riding in the ambulance, listening to the siren, and looking at all the stuff in the ambulance that the paramedics were kindly showing him. Bill asked him where he was and William said, "Ka ka" and made siren noises. At the hospital, we were able to tell the doc that he was having an allergic reaction to milk. So they gave him another shot to reduce the swelling. After observing him for a while, his swelling had gone down, and we were able to take him home with instructions on how to care for him at home.

That evening, as I prayed over William while he slept, all I could do was thank God for being so merciful despite my stupid mistake. I felt so guilty that I had made my little boy walk through something life-threatening because I hadn't been more careful. It was all very humbling. I always thought it would be someone else who would end up giving him milk by accident, but no, it was me. All I could think of was Lamentations 3:22-23...

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

I am just ever so grateful that there is Someone else in control, handling everything even when we make stupid mistakes and do things we didn't mean to... able to make right any situation we may have messed up on or wish we had done differently. I could not thank God enough that my mistake did not cost William his life. And yet, in that instant, I thought about Luke 12:4-5...

“I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him!"

At that moment, I realized that though God had saved William's physical life, his little soul was not yet saved. And I just thanked God for allowing him to live, not just for the sake of living, but to have an opportunity to someday trust in the saving work of Jesus Christ for his sins. I thanked God that it was not yet William's time to leave this world and that God has a sovereign plan for William... that if William will someday put his faith in Christ for the forgiveness of his sins, God has a sovereign plan that will prosper William and give him a hope and a future. He will withhold no good thing from William. And nothing can thwart this sovereign plan, not even big, stupid mistakes I make or the little ones. The Lord will be faithful to William in spite of the mistakes that I make with him. Not that this releases me from my responsibility in how I train, raise, and care for William. I will someday be accountable for all those things. But we all know as parents, that though we do the best we can, it still is not enough. We will make mistakes and sin against our children even with our best of intentions. We ourselves are still only sinners after all. And we can only be imperfect reflections of the gospel to our children. But thank God for His amazing grace... that despite our shabby reflections of the gospel, He somehow chooses to use those seeds of faithfulness to make the seeds we plant grow. And as we strive to be faithful, God will show Himself faithful to our children.

I was debating whether to share this publicly, partly because I struggled with embarrassment and shame from what I had done. But then I asked myself why I was focusing so much on me, as I am so prone to do? Why not give glory where glory is due? Instead of giving in to fear of man and self-pity, I thought it crucial and necessary to highlight God's awesome faithfulness, kindness, and mercy to our family. How grateful Bill and I are that our God is a God who is sovereign over ALL circumstances in life.

“Sovereign Lord, who made the heaven and the earth and the sea and everything in them, who through the mouth of our father David, your servant, said by the Holy Spirit,

‘Why did the Gentiles rage,

and the peoples plot in vain?

The kings of the earth set themselves,

and the rulers were gathered together,
against the Lord and against his Anointed’ —

for truly in this city there were gathered together against your holy servant Jesus, whom you anointed, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, along with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel, to do whatever your hand and your plan had predestined to take place. And now, Lord, look upon their threats and grant to your servants to continue to speak your word with all boldness, while you stretch out your hand to heal, and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant Jesus.”

Acts 4:24-30