sinners say i do (book quote 5)

From When Sinners Say "I Do," by Dave Harvey...

But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. (Luke 6:27-36)

What does this passage have to do with marriage?... Everything - because Christ is showing the comprehensive reach of mercy. By addressing grievous scenarios, he is setting the bar for normal life... because when you know how to deal with committed enemies, you'll know how to deal with occasional enemies. When you can extend mercy to the spiteful, violent, selfish, and wicked, you can extend it to those who annoy, ignore, or disappoint you... (p. 83).

One of the truly amazing things about God's mercy to us is that he sees every sinful action, motive, and thought we ever have, yet still relates to us in love. God loves sinners, simple as that, and certainly not because of the sin, but in spite of it. His love expresses itself in kindness toward sinners, and that kindness is meant to lead us to repentance (Romans 2:4). The phrase "lead us to" tells us his loving-kindness meets us prior to repentance and draws us forward. What a lavish demonstration of mercy toward those who, left to themselves, would flee from God (p. 84)!

Self-righteousness is a sense of moral superiority that appoints us as prosecutor of other people's sinfulness. We relate to others as if we are incapable of the sins they commit. Self-righteousness wages war against mercy... Have you ever dragged your spouse into the Courtroom of Me lately? I have. But here are some questions I've learned to ask myself in the battle with self-righteousness:

- Am I self-confident that I see the supposed "facts" clearly?

- Am I quick to assign motives when I feel I've been wronged?

- Do I find it easy to build a case against someone that makes me seem right and him or her seem wrong?

- Do I ask questions with built-in assumptions I believe will be proven right? Or do I ask impartial questions - the kind that genuinely seek new information regardless of its implications for my preferred outcome?

- Am I overly concerned about who is to blame for something?

- Am I able to dismiss questions like these as irrelevant?

To so many spouses, one more turning of the cheek or one more overlooked sin is just too much. Mercy has been tried and "it hasn't worked." Nothing has changed. In fact, mercy has been trampled on and abused; it just doesn't produce results... But we must go back and ask, "What is the purpose of mercy?" Do I extend mercy to get a response? Are results the point? Is mercy some spiritual coin with which I purchase my spouse's good behavior? In Luke 6, Jesus makes it clear that mercy does carry a promise. But it's a promise of reward, not of results (vs. 35). Jesus never promises to change our enemies (the extreme case that encompasses all cases). What he has in view for us is a loving relationship with our Father in heaven that will increasingly eclipse any hateful or hurtful actions against us (p. 93-94, emphases mine).