heart of anger (book quote 1)

The new parenting book that I've started reading is The Heart of Anger, by Lou Priolo.  I am very eager to read this since this seems to be an area of sin that the boys struggle with, especially Josiah... and I also have that selfish hope that I can glean something helpful for myself since this is my big sin struggle, as well.

Priolo outlines a 5-step process in the development of rebellion in a child.  I thought it was very interesting...

A wounded spirit (or feeling hurt)  Proverbs 18:14 states, "A wounded spirit who can bear?"  The first step in this stairway to destruction often is a sense of hurt that is spawned by an offense, whether real or perceived.  Parents do something (usually involving sin, but not necessarily) to the child whose mental and emotional response produces hurt.  This hurt is the seed that germinates and grows into a root of bitterness (Heb. 12:15).

Bitterness is the second step on the stairway.  If the child does not respond biblically to the hurt (this would involve either forgiving the sin (Lk. 17:3), "overlooking" the sin (Prov. 19:11, 1 Pet. 4:8), or realizing that the "offense" was not wrong), he will begin to rehearse the offense in his mind, reviewing it over and over again.  This practice of continually reviewing and imputing the offense not only violates 1 Corinthiains 13:5 (love does not keep a running account of evil), but also cultivates the seed of hurt that matures into a "root of bitterness" (Heb. 12:15). Consequently, this root of bitterness may defile others in the family.

Anger is the third step.  This is the kind of anger about which the Bible warns fathers not to provoke their children.  Such anger is not simply a momentary explosion that quickly dies down.  Rather, it is characterological anger...  This is anger that has become so habitual that it becomes characteristic of the child's personality.  "Do not associate with a man (given) to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man, Lest you learn his ways, And find a snare for yourself" (Prov. 22:24, 25).  You as a parent, of course, cannot disassociate with your angry child, but this verse may serve as a reminder of just one of the biblical consequences which result from characterological anger...

Stubbornness (insubordination) is the fourth step.  "Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry" (1 Sam. 15:23).  This step immediately precedes full-blown rebellion.  The picture of stubbornness here is that of a backsliding heifer pushing her front hooves into the ground to counteract her master who is trying to push or pull her forward.  The self-sufficient rebel in the making is guilty of idolatry because he believes he has become the ruler of his own destiny.

Rebellion is the final step in the decline.  A rebellious child is a child whose characteristics have gone beyond that of an angry man and has assumed the characteristics of the proverbial fool (p. 21-22, emphases mine).