sinners say i do (book quote 4)

From When Sinners Say "I Do," by Dave Harvey...

The road of honesty is a straight road - it cuts straight through to our hearts. If you've ever driven out west on one of those long desert roads, one thing you'll notice is that the scenery all starts looking familiar. You realize that the road wasn't built for touring, it was built to get you where you need to go. The straight road of honesty has that feel. You drive down it and you see the same heart temptations you've always seen, the same ruts of thinking that get you sidetracked. Honesty forces us to deal with the familiar indwelling sin of our lives in a straightforward way. And the destination is always the same - the foot of the cross where our sin has been atoned for and where Christ, our wisdom, is ready to help in time of need (p. 70, emphasis mine).

This might be a helpful illustration for understanding the operation of remaining sin. Original sin filled the "engine" of our hearts with the "oil" of depravity - dark, greasy, and staining everything it touches. Circumstances come along and heat the engine. When the engine is hot - when events in our lives test our hearts by stirring anger, lust, greed, etc. - whatever is in the engine spews out. The heat (circumstances) did not fill the engine with oil, it simply revealed what was [already] in the engine (p. 70-71).

Have you ever considered why there are no accounts of Jesus slamming a door in angry frustration or inflicting the "silent treatment" on someone who hurt him? Why didn't Jesus get irritated or bitter or hostile? The simple but astounding answer is that when his engine was heated by circumstances, what was in his heart came out: love, mercy, compassion, kindness. Christ didn't respond sinfully to the circumstances in his life - even an undeserved, humiliating, torturous death - because the engine of his heart was pure. What was in his heart spilled over. It was love!

Your spouse was a strategic choice made by a wise and loving God. Selected by him, for you, from the beginning of the world, your spouse is an essential part of God's rescue mission for your life. Often a spouse plays his or her part by raising the engine temperature and heating the oil. But if we're wisely honest we will realize that God is behind it all, revealing the familiar sin so that it might be overcome by amazing grace (p. 71, emphases mine).

... according to Scripture, the source of angry words, unforgiving looks, and cold shoulders is not unmet needs. It's unsatisfied desires (p. 72, emphases mine).

... Scripture places the blame for conflict squarely on our passions - on how much I want something, regardless of how "legitimate" that desire is. If my desire is so strong that I am tempted to sin, then the problem is entirely me. It's my desire, my sin, the grimy oil in my own heart erupting in response to the heat of circumstances.

With a sentence or two, James masterfully shifts our entire paradigm from something we're missing (an unmet need) to something we're doing (passionately desiring something we're not getting). Lurking beneath our unmet needs are desires demanding satisfaction. We "desire but do not have" (p. 72-73).