sinners say i do (book quote 7)

From When Sinners Say "I Do," by Dave Harvey, on confronting sin in your spouse...

The meek person also understands some key biblical principles of communication and applies them in marriage.

1) Being annoyed is not an invitation so speak, "The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult" (Proverbs 12:16).

2) A soft answer has more power than a wrathful tongue, "A soft answer turns away wrath" (Proverbs 15:1).

3) Gentle speech encourages life, whether in conversation or in conflict, "A gentle tongue is a tree of life" (Proverbs 15:4).

What is my agenda, my motivation, in bringing some sin to the attention of my spouse? Often these motivations are less than noble. Dumping anxieties, securing concessions, indulging fears, punishing the one who hurt us - these desires can drive us to speak too quickly and for the wrong reasons... the goal for a surgical conversation is not simply to smooth things over. It is to care for our soul mate and ultimately to connect him or her to God.

Your spouse's sin is not first about you. It may affect you, but the most important thing it reveals is your spouse's relationship with God. A meek spouse seeking to help the other will make that relationship with God the first priority. He or she will recognize that the ultimate hope for change lies in a response toward God, not a capitulation to the spouse. That's why the final stage of any correction must be encouraging our spouse toward God and entrusting our spouse to God (p. 131, emphases mine).